when i think about where i was last summer, and i think about where i am right now. i feel like a hypocrite.
last summer, i was living in the city and ministering to those that were economically worse off than i was.
right now, i'm living in a city, spending the majority of my free time in coffee shops and watching TV.
what happened?
last night i was walking downtown to pick up some dinner and i passed by a beggar on the street, when he asked me for spare change i mumbled no and kept walking.
on my way to dinner.
probably what he needed money for.
couldn't i have invited him to come eat with me? or at least offered to get him something?
i passed him by and knew i had just let myself fall into the status quo again. being apathetic to the plight of the poor. i felt the guilt of it all the way down to get food and all the way back to where he had been. i thought of what i could do to make it right, give him my sandwich i had gotten, offer to go buy him something.
but the man was gone when i got back to where he'd been. i'd already missed my opportunity.
For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.
forgive me Lord, a greedy sinner.
is that the life i've slipped back into? a life of middle class apathy? a life that's so self absorbed that i don't think of others? I'm not happy or fulfilled by the life i'm living up here in alexandria. and i always made the excuse in blacksburg or back home in chesapeake that there weren't homeless around. but if there was, of course i would take care of them.
i guess not.
i continue to pass them by on the streets as if they aren't there.
i need God to change my heart, because it's just that, a matter of heart. my mind knows that these are your children and that we've been called to care for them, but my heart hasn't embraced that.
break my heart for these people O Lord.
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This last week, I was driving back from signing my lease for next year. The first time I ever saw a homeless person in Blacksburg... He had a sign asking for money. I avoided eye contact. I was at a red light. It was all I could do to not act awkward as I tried avoid realizing what I was doing.
As I pulled off it hit me. I had nothing else to do that day. Not like I had some "good" excuse. I had just forgotten.
I got back to the apartment of the owner of the car. He was home and we talked for a good hour about theology and the Church. Completely impromptu. I feel like the pain and disappointment were in my eyes, but with everyone being sick it was easily dismiss able
And here is the first I have mentioned it.
Just when you think you got it down, you know what to do, you get it, everyone else doesn't. It hits you... you don't.
Thank God for grace! And the chance to start again each day without being held down by the failures of the past... but rather a renewed commitment to the work God has let us join him in.
I'm praying for you bro, I look forward to seeing you next weekend!
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